No more light

 I struggle with expectations.

Maybe I should be wondering why people expect things from me, why everyone wants something from me, wants me to be something, relies on me for something, and why I constantly warp myself into so many different molds.

I think I've forgotten how to be me.

I think maybe I never knew how to begin with.

I have been looking for pretty mirrors all my life. Same as in stories, mirrors that give me a filtered reflection of what I like to see in myself, or mirrors that will show me something to aspire to. 

If they like me, I must be at least a little bit like them...

Why does this make me ashamed? I can't be the only one, right? Are we all just reflections of those whose approval we strive to attain? Are we all just walking hollograms, beings created from the refractions of others?

Maybe that's why so many of us so often look for a little darkness. Just to see what's really left of us when no one is showing us back an image of ourselves.

Maybe I just want to find someone in the dark. Maybe I just want to run into someone who can be with me in the dark. Maybe we can just hold each other in the dark...