Deliciously Kooky, Disturbingly Spooky

You know that thing where you’re in your car and you drive by an accident site? Like, glass and twisted metal, possibly some mystery fluids all over the place, the flash of ambulance lights and all that… and you sloooooow down as much as possible without stopping so you can scope out the site? Have you ever done that while you’re walking?! Is that one of the dumbest looking things we can do as human beings? You know, walking with brisk, determined steps to a set destination and seeing something strange or out of place but not having the time to stop and stare like an idiot so you just kinda rubberneck and take an odd step or two slower? Like… be serious, did anyone see me do that this morning?

I did this thing last week where I was trying to get a group of kids to settle down so we could walk in line to recess and they weren’t listening to my shushing, so I just put out a finger and since they’re ignoring me anyway I just kinda stare at my finger and make sprinkler noises… you know, like “tch tch tch tch… tssshhhhh… tsssh tch tch tch… ttttcccchhhh” while I move my finger back and forth like a sprinkler… I legit did that for like 10 straight seconds and when I looked up they were all DEAD SILENT. I like that, I like to keep that whimsical balance between “My teacher is kinda cool and kooky” and “This bitch is gonna peel off her skin one day and dangle us by our ankles off the third story window with her sixteen slimy alien tentacles”.